red shirt blue pants

Today I woke up and heard goats bleating. I heard chickens going about their business, and the sounds of roosters welcoming the morning. Last night, I heard ducklings objecting to being held, and a parakeet objecting to me walking by.

Later today, I will hear the sounds of dogs fighting and playing. Of a cat that wants to be left alone.

I will hear the sounds of children laughing and of crying, and might even join in myself.

I just drank coffee and am smelling the smell of pancakes as “the sound of melodies” floats through my mind.

Minus the crying (because I am told there will be no more tears) this is heaven.

Behind my house growing up, there was an empty lot. In a suburb, it would have been an eyesore- a thin, awkwardly shaped lot with a few scraggly trees, two foot tall grass, on a steep hill, a few incredibly overgrown lilac bushes and dandelions growing rampant all through out it… But it was not an eyesore to a 8 year old girl who wanted so badly to be Laura Ingles Wilder when she grew up…

When my mom wasn’t looking, I would put on my ankle length flowered dress that allowed me to feel most like a pioneer and would wander and twirl in the field… I would take my dolls with their blankets and a few tea cups and venture off to my “log cabin” – a lilac bush so huge I could sit comfortably beneath it’s branches…

I would pick yellow dandelions and put them in my hair. I had never been taught how to make them into crowns- but I wore at least 3 tucked behind my ear… I drew pictures on my arms and legs with their nectar… I blew their seeds throughout the grass. I thought they were like little drops of sunshine beaming up from the ground.

This was my refuge. My place to go and dream and forget about whatever else was going on… This was my home.

Eventually, someone bought that lot. They built a house that had been picked out of a catalog and moved in with their two young kids. They cut down the lilacs and built a stone “natural” looking retaining wall. They mowed over the dandelions and brought in weed killer.

Behind this lot, there had been one row of houses and then cornfields for thirty miles… Now there is a school. They plan to build a subdivision there too…

Dandelions are often called weeds. Lilacs are valued mostly for inspiring the scent of candles and body spray… I am too old for wandering through fields and play pretend to be socially acceptable… I still do though- a piece of me… a substantial piece of me… is still that little girl who weaves in and out, chasing butterflies and catching lady bugs- avoiding stepping on rabbits nests while making nests of my own. I never stopped being that child. I would rather live outside in a lilac bush than between four walls… I cant resist picking a dandelions in the spring, and smelling them each time I walk by… I would still rather skip than walk, and I connect more with children than with adults…

There is something inherently therapeutic about play- something wonderful and pure about experiencing childhood… relishing that simplicity.

I can still smell that field when I close my eyes real tight. I can still feel the ecstasy of being so small in a world so big and open with possibilities and wonder… I lose that sometimes, in all my worries about school and money and the future…

In Matthew 11:25, Jesus says “”I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.” Later he tells us to exchange our heavy yoke for his- which is easy and light… He will come along side us and train us in which way to go, give us freedom and gentle guidance like an older, stronger, wiser ox guiding  the younger… the Father cares for us as his children…

The dandelions of my hill were clothed more beautifully than any other flower I have seen- the rabbits and butterflies and lady bugs were given food and shelter- My lilacs grew and thrived and made everything just a bit more beautiful- if that was even possible. If God took care of them for their time, won’t he take care of me for mine?

I hope someday I can bring as much joy and peace and belonging to a child as my field brought to me…